


Believer

by mmmdraco



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-26
Updated: 2012-07-26
Packaged: 2017-11-10 18:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/469384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are things that Heero believes. And then he realizes he's wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Believer

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters, I mean no harm, I have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah. 
> 
> "I'm A Believer" is by Neil Diamond.
> 
> ~lyrics~

For the longest time, I wanted to deny that I was gay. Even though, as a soldier, I got ready for bed with a hop in the sack with a fellow soldier, a friend of mine with hair almost as unruly as my own, and decidedly more masculine than I, named Trowa... I still thought that I'd eventually settle down with a nice girl if I ever lived through the war. Sure, I'd never really met a girl who caught my eye before, but I knew the good-looking ones when I saw them. I'd never seen the one I was really looking for, but I hoped it could happen. I didn't realize at the time that I chose handsome men as my friends, and managed to get them as co-pilots (I fly a mobile suit most as a soldier), and even as enemies.

 

~I thought love was only true in fairy tales~   
~Meant for someone else, but not for me~   
~Love was out to get me, that's the way it seems~  
~Disappointment haunted all my dreams~

There was a week or so during which our big enemy, the Romafeller Foundation (which gave funds to every corporation that might try to stop our cause), decided to send all of it's members to a resort colony near Mars for regrouping, planning, relaxation, and some nice time away from a messy war. So, it was a slow week. Trowa and I were sharing the love seat in the living room of our current safehouse, thanks to Quatre, the "I'm-rich-but-I-still-need-to-fight" one of our group. Quatre was sitting next to Wufei, the justice-hampered one, on the sofa. Duo, the one with the braid that all of the us have gotten hit in the face with at least three times, was sitting on the floor by the coffee table playing poker against himself, continually amused by saying, "Hey, I won *again*!" His braid was almost longer than the finger joints in my Gundam, but he's a good friend of mine, if only for that he leaves me feeling homicidal instead of suicidal.

At the time, I'd been thinking a lot about how my dream girl would look. I wasn't coming up with anything, so I asked, "Hey, Duo, who do you think the most beautiful girl in the world is?"

He blushed slightly and answered me, his voice solemn and hormone- tinged at the same time. "Relena Peacecraft."

Wufei looked mildly surprised at the answer, Quatre ecstatically happy, and Trowa looked confused, almost a mixture between unhappy and angry, maybe even downright sad. For all that he doesn't say, his eyes speak too much to keep track of sometimes. Duo, at the time, blushed furiously and knocked a pile of cards onto the ground and began to pick them up, fumbling an awful lot for a pilot with more natural grace that most pilots would sell their souls for.

Yet, I couldn't come up with an image of Relena Peacecraft, so I asked to see one. Duo must have spent an awful lot of recon time on her... He had an entire disk full of pictures, and from the label on it -- R.P. #1 -- it's possible that more than one disk exists. Then, I saw her and remembered her immediately. I acknowledged Duo's taste in women as the closest thing to my own, and here was the woman that he found to be the most beautiful in the world, and nothing about her does anything for me, not even the frontal of her stepping naked out of a lake, dripping wet.

I realized then that the little thoughts in my head that told me I wasn't straight might be there for a reason. One such thought was saying, "Trowa's so much prettier than her." Another was telling me, "Don't you want to try settling down with Trowa?"

As though the thoughts finally sank in, I turned to see Trowa watching me hopefully, gnawing cutely on his bottom lip. "Heero?"

 

~Then I saw her face~   
~Now I'm a believer~   
~Without a trace~   
~Of doubt in my mind~   
~I'm in love (Mmm...)~   
~I'm a believer~   
~I couldn't leave him~   
~If I tried~

"Trowa..." It was an awkward situation. All of the other guys thought that I was straight, just as I had, but they'd been accepting of Trowa's sexuality, so they would probably do the same for me... I hoped.

So, when I kissed him then, and he kissed back immediately, Quatre and Wufei gasped and Duo lost himself a bit deeper in R.P. #3, which appeared out of his pocket.

 

~I thought love was more or less a given thing~   
~Seems the more I gave, the less I got~   
~What's the use in trying? All you get is pain~   
~When I needed sunshine, I got rain~

I realized, along with the fact that I'd just come out of the closet to myself, that Trowa was the reason for it all. It wasn't just sex with us, and he wasn't just a warm body. He was the guy I'd spent the last year with, and never strayed.

When I kissed him that time, he kissed me back and held me in such a way that I didn't want to think of ever leaving. All of the other times, I'd pulled away from our kisses before they could get serious. And now, it *is* serious and I can't help but berate myself for not getting serious before.

I suppose it didn't help that a war *was* going on. In wars, you don't want to leave anyone behind. But, it he fights with me... well, here's hoping we'll be an even better team than before.

 

~Then I saw her face~   
~Now I'm a believer~   
~Without a trace~   
~Of doubt in my mind~   
~I'm in love (Mmm...)~   
~I'm a believer~   
~I couldn't leave him~   
~If I tried~

Things weren't easy after that. A relationship when you're fighting for your life, his life, her life, their lives... sometimes you take chances that sane people just don't take. Having a lover, well, when you bloody up too many of their favorite shirts while they're patching you up, and you rip open the wound during a playful bit of making love and then have to get patched up again after taking a shower during which you can't do anything, especially each other, they worry about you.

 

~Aww, love was out to get me~   
~That's the way it seems~   
~Disappointment~   
~Heartache on my dreams~

I have a self-destruct button, and so does he. When things get to be too much, we're supposed to push the button and destroy ourselves, our mobile suits, and as much around us as possible. But, when you've got something to go back to, such a painful suicide seems like a waste of time. Worst comes to worst, you get captured and someone saves you.

Somewhere along the line, I had to learn how to be saved. Trowa Barton saved me. And, in a way, Relena Peacecraft did too.

 

~Then I saw her face~   
~Now I'm a believer~   
~Without a trace~   
~Of doubt in my mind~   
~I'm in love (Mmm...)~   
~I'm a believer~   
~I couldn't leave him~   
~If I tried~


End file.
